Category Archives: Family
Be Salafi with Your Family, Just Like You Are Salafi with the Brother
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Indeed our religion has taught us the best of character and mannerisms, and the Prophet Muhammad (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) without a doubt displayed exemplary character to his wives, and children. It is for this reason that if a person claims to be Salafi, he should be diligent in displaying this character and mannerism amongst those who are closest to him; his family.
We ask Allah to allow us to be true followers of the Salaf al Saaleh.
Brief reminder to my brothers and sisters:
The Salaf used to say:
The best of the speech is that which is short and straight to the point.
With this in mind, I will only mention in this reminder a short hadeeth, and a short statement of one of the Imam’s of his time. In this hadeeth and statement, myself and my brothers should realize an area of family life which we have greatly neglected! May Allah forgive us all and guide us to that which is better.
The Prophet (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي
“The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family.” (Jame’ al Tirmidhee)
The Statement of Imam al Showqanee (died 1255) He stated:
فترى الرجل إذا لقي أهله كان أسوأ الناس أخلاقاً وأشجعهم نفساً وأقلهم خيراً، وإذا لقي غير الأهل من الأجانب لانت عريكته وانبسطت أخلاقه وجادت نفسه، وكثر خيره، ولا شك أن من كان كذلك فهو محروم التوفيق، زائغ عن سواء الطريق، نسأل الله السلامة!
“You find a man, if he comes into contact with his family, he displays the worst of character, he is prideful, and very little good is seen from him. But if he meets with other people, his disposition is very gentle, his character is very soft, he is very giving, and he displays much good. There is no doubt, this type of individual is from those who have been prevented from good and success, and he is one who has deviated from the correct path. We ask Allah for protection!
Source: Nal al Awtaar (2/246)
9th Muharam 1435 | Nov. 12, 2013
Upon the authority of Ataa Ibn Yasaar who narrates from Ibn Abaas – Radhiyallahu ‘anhumaa – that a man approached him and said: “Indeed I proposed to a woman but she refused to marry me, then someone else proposed to her and she desired to marry him, so i became jealous and I killed her. Is there any taubah (repentance) for me?
He (Ibn Abaas) said to him: ”Is your mother alive? the man said ‘No’ so he said “Make taubah to Allah Azza wa Jall and draw near to him as much as you are able (So the narrator said) so i went and asked Ibn ‘Abaas “Why did you ask him if his mother was alive?” so he responded “Because indeed I do not know of an action that draws one closer to Allah than being dutiful to one’s Mother”
[Collected by Imaamul Bukhaari in his ‘Adabul Mufrad’ and is declared saheeh by shaikh Al Albaani in Saheeh Adabil Al Mufrad hadeeth 4 and Silsilah Saheehah (2799)]
Upon the authority of S’ad ibn Abi Waqaas – Radhiyallahu ‘Anhu who said:
“Four verses in the book of Allah were revealed concerning me:
1- My mother had taken an oath that she would not eat or drink until i left Muhammad so Allah revealed: ” And if they strive against you to associate partners with Allah with that which you have no authority then do not obey them, but behave with them with good in the life of this world” (S Luqmaan:Vs 15)
(A longer version of the incident mentions that she said to him”Either you leave this religion of yours or i will not eat or drink a thing until i die! then it will be said ‘Oh you who have killed your mother! and you will be dispraised because of what you did to me! so he responded “do not do this mother, because i will not leave this religion for anything. So she left food and drink for a day and night and she rose in the morning exhausted from not eating. Then she did so for another day and was even worse the following morning. So when i saw this I said: “Oh Mother By Allah! if you had a hundred souls and they left you one by one i would not leave this religion! so eat if you wish or abandon food if you will!” so she ate.)
2- I had taken a sword that i liked (from the spoils of war) and i said “Oh Messenger of Allah, may i have this as a gift? so Allah revealed: “They ask you about the spoils of war say: the spoils of War are for Allah and his Messenger..” (S Anfaal Vs 1)
3- I had become ill and so the messenger came to (visit) me so i said to him “Oh messenger of Allah! i wish to give half of my wealth away (in charity) as a bequest (before death) so he said: “No!” so i said: Then (i wish to give) a third and he remained silent thus a third was deemed permissible
4- ” I drank intoxicants with a people from the Ansaar, then a man from among them pushed my nose into the lips of a Camel, so i went to the messenger of Allah and Allah revealed the prohibition of Intoxicants
(Collected by Imaamul Bukhaari in his ‘Adabul Mufrad’ (hadeeth 24) and declared ‘Saheeh’ By Shaikh Al Albaani in ‘Saheeh Adabil Al Mufrad hadeeth’ 18 and Mishkaat 3072)
Upon the authority of Asmaa bint abi bakr who said: “My mother (who was a non-muslim) came to me seeking (for me to tie the bonds of kinship with her) so I asked the messenger (Sallallahu alaihi wa salam): “Should I tie the bonds of kinship with her? He said: “Yes!” so Allah revealed:
“Allah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion and did not drive you out of your homes. Verily Allah loves those who deal with equity” (Suratul Mumtahinah Vs 8)
[Collected by Imaamul Bukhaari in Adabul Mufrad Hadeeth 25) and declared ‘Saheeh’ by Shaikh Al Albaani in ‘Saheeh Adabil Mufrad’ Hadeeth 18]
By: Sister Sanaa
Oh wives of the Daa’ies (those who work day and night calling to Islaam) and Mujaahideen, fear Allaah and be firm and patient. Verily you are the cause of the success of your husband’s struggle and the cause of its decline.
There is a saying that behind every great man is a great woman. Many people differ about this parable, between those in support of it and those who appose it. We all must agree about the importance of the wife in the life of her husband and the fact she has a role that if fulfilled, the boat of da’wah will sail peacefully and successfully. For this reason we find the Messenger Muhammad (saw) emphasised on the importance of the woman in more than just one place. He encouraged the Muslim man about the necessity to look for a wife with good Deen (practicing woman), who fears Allaah in her relationship with her husband, at his home and with his children.
We believe nobody will differ with us if we say that the Daa’ies are so needy for a unique, sophisticated, special, and magnificent wife unlike any other, who will stand by him through hardship and ease, supporting him, staying at his home helping him to fulfil his roles and responsibilities, encouraging him to carry da’wah more and more and to fulfil his mission.
The wife of a Daa’ie needs to have these qualities because
1. The daa’ie is different from any other man. His time schedule is not like any others, nor is his concern like the concern of others. Therefore his actions and efforts will inevitably be different from the actions of other men. An average man’s concerns are nothing but his own personal concerns such as food, clothes and shelter. Whereas the daa’ies concerns do not stop to the limit of only a house, food and children but rather his concerns escalates to the level of being concerned about the recovery of the Ummah, to live her concerns and suffering and working actively to change that reality from a state of fear to a state of peace.
2. The normal man does not have any concerns but to seek his provision and to enter happiness into the hearts of his family by fulfilling their wishes. Whereas the work and concerns of the daa’ie will be multiplied and increased to the limit that he will have very little time left to his wife or to his own children, not to mention to be concerned about his health and wealth to a level where his wife may believe that he is neglecting her as he is so busy with the affairs of the Muslim Ummah, more than his own family affairs. Therefore if a Muslim woman does not support her husband who is a daa’ie nor does she have an extra talent that distinguishes her from any other woman, who looks to the concerns and visions of her husband and how much it is more important than any other concern, then no doubt her husband’s ship will face a huge struggle to sail in the ocean of difficulties from the enemies, opponents and disbelievers. And that will be the first nail in their relationship.
Excuse us if we put an example that could relate to you directly but we do not mean any particular person. Let us imagine a daa’ie who comes back to his home after a hard days work, exhausting himself for the sake of calling people to Islaam, commanding good and forbidding evil and elevating this Ummah for the sake of Allaah. Suddenly he finds that when he arrives home, there is a woman who declares her rejection, moaning and complaining about the long time she spends on her own at home or repeats in his ears the same list of complaints and demands and throws them over his head without to bother about the damage that could happen to him, their relationship or the da’wah.
Let us imagine a woman who looks in the face of her husband for a long time and yet she is surprised about the thoughts and ideas that he carries and the amount of energy he has that makes him look after the affairs of the Ummah, which doesn’t concern her at all. I have seen these women who put obstacles in the path of her husband, discouraging him and destroying his will and determination. Moreover she will make him withdraw his concerns, zeal and energy regarding his Deen and the Muslim Ummah and will start to work actively in disperse, discouraging him by letting him down and watering down his responsibilities, which will cause him to have depression. Moreover she will request and demand her husband to do things that are not important, very difficult or nearly impossible to do.
3. The difficulties and the dangers which will occur in the way, the bloody arrows which have been shot towards his chest and all other attacks from all directions will make him seriously need to have beside him a wife that understands the needs of the level of da’wah which he is at, to be patient with him, firm and supportive in his way which is full of thorns, hardship and pain. She must be patient, firm and realise that her husband is not the first and only one who walks on this path full of mines and thorns; rather history is full of men who have paid blood as a price for the da’wah and the Deen of Islam.
She must also realise that not all the harm and threats surrounding her husband means he has failed the battle, rather victory could be hiding itself in the form of loss and it may surprise people by the ideas and thoughts that come out from the mouth of the daa’ie and goes beyond all obstacles to spread and be implemented as-well as break all barriers. Therefore if a daa’ie does not have at his home a wise and mature woman that believes in what he believes in, then no doubt his home will miss its main cause of family stability, which may affect the behaviour of every member of the household, male or female.
4. There is no doubt that a daa’ie, whose concern is about the Muslim Ummah and challenges the Pharaoh in authority is going to be so busy to the level where he will rarely have time for his own children as he will be too busy teaching the children of the Ummah and therefore have no time to teach his own. Definitely he is needy for a believing mother (for his children) that is unique and carries with him all the responsibilities to reform the children and to look after them during the absence of their own father, which inevitably will happen many times.
We only need to look at some of the top Mujaahideen from among the Sahaabah and Tabi’een who had children yet did not see them except in very rare occasions, whereas others did not see them at all as the father was too busy on the da’wah field or battle field whilst his wife was delivering a baby.
This will give the women extra certainty that a daa’ie is needy for a woman so unique who is not like any other woman. In edition, the wife of the da’ee is needy for special nurturing that enables her to pass the obstacles, duties and responsibilities that are going to face her by standing firm. This will push the husband for the continuity of his activities in order to help him in his own struggle, especially as we are living in a time where to stand firm to what you believe in is strange or unusual, and those affected by defeatism (compromisers, hypocrites etc.) do not want to do anything. Beyond doubt, a daa’ie deserves to have a special wife who gives him tranquillity, love and shelter.
Dear Muslim sisters, you are the hope of your daa’ie husband to carry the responsibilities from his shoulders and enable him to be fit and go out to the da’wah field or jihad without to be concerned about his responsibilities towards you and his children by being firm, patient, supportive and appreciative and accepting any destiny that Allaah has designated for you and for the test which Allaah inflicts upon you by having a daa’ie husband. Verily if you become patient on the path of Haq (truth) you will get the maximum amount of reward from almighty Allaah.
Dear Muslim sister, we can summarize to you our advice in 4 main points:
1. Make Khadeejah (ra) your example and leading role model who was a strong right hand for her husband and a firm gentle touch to our Messenger which enabled him to carry his message to mankind. Khadeejah supported him, believed in him, covered him and said to him her famous statement: ‘By Allaah! Allaah will never let you down because you are the one who maintains the blood relationship, carry heavy responsibilities, help the needy, support the weak, command the good and forbid the evil and challenge all the corruption in society.’
2. Wake up in the night time and throw the arrows of the dark night at sehri time by supplicating to your Lord and ask him to protect your husband and all the daa’ies and to make them firm, victorious, have ‘izzah and support.
3. Keep yourself busy by nurturing the children of your husband, provide the best knowledge and good deeds that makes them full of taqwaa and Eemaan and plant in them that the conviction their father stands for is the truth, and encourage them to do the same thing as their father.
4. Dear Muslim sisters, if your husband is a daa’ie be proud that your husband carries the truth and be confident that the banners of Haq he carries will never fall down even if he does.