By: Sister Sanaa
Oh wives of the Daa’ies (those who work day and night calling to Islaam) and Mujaahideen, fear Allaah and be firm and patient. Verily you are the cause of the success of your husband’s struggle and the cause of its decline.
There is a saying that behind every great man is a great woman. Many people differ about this parable, between those in support of it and those who appose it. We all must agree about the importance of the wife in the life of her husband and the fact she has a role that if fulfilled, the boat of da’wah will sail peacefully and successfully. For this reason we find the Messenger Muhammad (saw) emphasised on the importance of the woman in more than just one place. He encouraged the Muslim man about the necessity to look for a wife with good Deen (practicing woman), who fears Allaah in her relationship with her husband, at his home and with his children.
We believe nobody will differ with us if we say that the Daa’ies are so needy for a unique, sophisticated, special, and magnificent wife unlike any other, who will stand by him through hardship and ease, supporting him, staying at his home helping him to fulfil his roles and responsibilities, encouraging him to carry da’wah more and more and to fulfil his mission.
The wife of a Daa’ie needs to have these qualities because
1. The daa’ie is different from any other man. His time schedule is not like any others, nor is his concern like the concern of others. Therefore his actions and efforts will inevitably be different from the actions of other men. An average man’s concerns are nothing but his own personal concerns such as food, clothes and shelter. Whereas the daa’ies concerns do not stop to the limit of only a house, food and children but rather his concerns escalates to the level of being concerned about the recovery of the Ummah, to live her concerns and suffering and working actively to change that reality from a state of fear to a state of peace.
2. The normal man does not have any concerns but to seek his provision and to enter happiness into the hearts of his family by fulfilling their wishes. Whereas the work and concerns of the daa’ie will be multiplied and increased to the limit that he will have very little time left to his wife or to his own children, not to mention to be concerned about his health and wealth to a level where his wife may believe that he is neglecting her as he is so busy with the affairs of the Muslim Ummah, more than his own family affairs. Therefore if a Muslim woman does not support her husband who is a daa’ie nor does she have an extra talent that distinguishes her from any other woman, who looks to the concerns and visions of her husband and how much it is more important than any other concern, then no doubt her husband’s ship will face a huge struggle to sail in the ocean of difficulties from the enemies, opponents and disbelievers. And that will be the first nail in their relationship.
Excuse us if we put an example that could relate to you directly but we do not mean any particular person. Let us imagine a daa’ie who comes back to his home after a hard days work, exhausting himself for the sake of calling people to Islaam, commanding good and forbidding evil and elevating this Ummah for the sake of Allaah. Suddenly he finds that when he arrives home, there is a woman who declares her rejection, moaning and complaining about the long time she spends on her own at home or repeats in his ears the same list of complaints and demands and throws them over his head without to bother about the damage that could happen to him, their relationship or the da’wah.
Let us imagine a woman who looks in the face of her husband for a long time and yet she is surprised about the thoughts and ideas that he carries and the amount of energy he has that makes him look after the affairs of the Ummah, which doesn’t concern her at all. I have seen these women who put obstacles in the path of her husband, discouraging him and destroying his will and determination. Moreover she will make him withdraw his concerns, zeal and energy regarding his Deen and the Muslim Ummah and will start to work actively in disperse, discouraging him by letting him down and watering down his responsibilities, which will cause him to have depression. Moreover she will request and demand her husband to do things that are not important, very difficult or nearly impossible to do.
3. The difficulties and the dangers which will occur in the way, the bloody arrows which have been shot towards his chest and all other attacks from all directions will make him seriously need to have beside him a wife that understands the needs of the level of da’wah which he is at, to be patient with him, firm and supportive in his way which is full of thorns, hardship and pain. She must be patient, firm and realise that her husband is not the first and only one who walks on this path full of mines and thorns; rather history is full of men who have paid blood as a price for the da’wah and the Deen of Islam.
She must also realise that not all the harm and threats surrounding her husband means he has failed the battle, rather victory could be hiding itself in the form of loss and it may surprise people by the ideas and thoughts that come out from the mouth of the daa’ie and goes beyond all obstacles to spread and be implemented as-well as break all barriers. Therefore if a daa’ie does not have at his home a wise and mature woman that believes in what he believes in, then no doubt his home will miss its main cause of family stability, which may affect the behaviour of every member of the household, male or female.
4. There is no doubt that a daa’ie, whose concern is about the Muslim Ummah and challenges the Pharaoh in authority is going to be so busy to the level where he will rarely have time for his own children as he will be too busy teaching the children of the Ummah and therefore have no time to teach his own. Definitely he is needy for a believing mother (for his children) that is unique and carries with him all the responsibilities to reform the children and to look after them during the absence of their own father, which inevitably will happen many times.
We only need to look at some of the top Mujaahideen from among the Sahaabah and Tabi’een who had children yet did not see them except in very rare occasions, whereas others did not see them at all as the father was too busy on the da’wah field or battle field whilst his wife was delivering a baby.
This will give the women extra certainty that a daa’ie is needy for a woman so unique who is not like any other woman. In edition, the wife of the da’ee is needy for special nurturing that enables her to pass the obstacles, duties and responsibilities that are going to face her by standing firm. This will push the husband for the continuity of his activities in order to help him in his own struggle, especially as we are living in a time where to stand firm to what you believe in is strange or unusual, and those affected by defeatism (compromisers, hypocrites etc.) do not want to do anything. Beyond doubt, a daa’ie deserves to have a special wife who gives him tranquillity, love and shelter.
Dear Muslim sisters, you are the hope of your daa’ie husband to carry the responsibilities from his shoulders and enable him to be fit and go out to the da’wah field or jihad without to be concerned about his responsibilities towards you and his children by being firm, patient, supportive and appreciative and accepting any destiny that Allaah has designated for you and for the test which Allaah inflicts upon you by having a daa’ie husband. Verily if you become patient on the path of Haq (truth) you will get the maximum amount of reward from almighty Allaah.
Dear Muslim sister, we can summarize to you our advice in 4 main points:
1. Make Khadeejah (ra) your example and leading role model who was a strong right hand for her husband and a firm gentle touch to our Messenger which enabled him to carry his message to mankind. Khadeejah supported him, believed in him, covered him and said to him her famous statement: ‘By Allaah! Allaah will never let you down because you are the one who maintains the blood relationship, carry heavy responsibilities, help the needy, support the weak, command the good and forbid the evil and challenge all the corruption in society.’
2. Wake up in the night time and throw the arrows of the dark night at sehri time by supplicating to your Lord and ask him to protect your husband and all the daa’ies and to make them firm, victorious, have ‘izzah and support.
3. Keep yourself busy by nurturing the children of your husband, provide the best knowledge and good deeds that makes them full of taqwaa and Eemaan and plant in them that the conviction their father stands for is the truth, and encourage them to do the same thing as their father.
4. Dear Muslim sisters, if your husband is a daa’ie be proud that your husband carries the truth and be confident that the banners of Haq he carries will never fall down even if he does.